i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ttyl tear gas
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
