We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
