but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
