am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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