I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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