Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
someone owes me an orgasm
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
