apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
