OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize