put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
