this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
