There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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