So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
