Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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