i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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