its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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