I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize