My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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