i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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