Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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