Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize