There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
