dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You don't make any sense
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