For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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