thus making me awesome and them whores
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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