Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize