This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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