The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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