maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
