Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
