I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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