He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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