Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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