Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
