And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
