we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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