So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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