You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
