If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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