It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
