I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
