You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
