you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
