Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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