im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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