just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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