i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
