i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
