I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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