you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
