I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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