Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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