I think I won the penis lottery.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize