I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
