...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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