Will you blow on my dice?
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
