My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
