nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
