i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I could fuck to npr.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
