I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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