road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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