yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
