Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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