i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
