Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
