I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
