the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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