You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize