dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
